1998-07 – Letters from Raphael


We’ve been kickin’ it out on the Seven Seas lately. Decided to take Venus on a little look-see around her old abode. She’s a good kid, and she needed a chance to touch feet on some familiar soil. Even though she was a New Yorker like us at birth, she’s still a Chinese girl at heart.

We took the sub… but had to be shrunk down with one of Don’s gadgets so that all six of us would fit. Getting shrunk down was weird… but I told Leo his head looked good a little less swelled (jus’ razzin’ him o’ course. Me and Leo always seem to have our differences, but deep down we’re still borthers, and that’s all that really matters). We were takin’ our time gettin’ there, and when we surfaced outside of Shanghai, we were caught by surprise by a boat full of pirates. Donny still doesn’t know why we didn’t detect them before surfacing, but the way technology is lately, nothing surprises me.

So as is par with the course, these pirate knobs decided to attack us. Mebbe they thought they could sell our sub, or they wanted to package up some batches of mutant turtle soup… either way, I wasn’t about to make it easy on them. Donny ducked below to grab something, and Leo and I hit the water. Venus tucked into the Lotus position and started doin’ her mental thing (which STILL gives me the willies). Mikey and Master Splinter prepared to defend the deck of the sub. Splinter produced about a dozen shurikens, and when the bozo pirates got within range, he made sure the gun toting losers got a little pointy present in their right hands. This was a good thing, as not all of them had guns, and the Master made sure that NONE of them did in a hurry.

I could tell right off that these guys weren’t real pros. They made a direct attack, hoping to scare us into submission with a rush of “superior” forces. Heh. Right.

After the Sensei had disarmed the clods, their captain aimed his boat right at our sub. I guess they planned on a boarding party. Leo and I swam out to meet them… we had our own party plans.

As the pirates were passing us, Leo latched onto port side and me on the aft (or something like that… gimme a break, I ain’t no sailor). We both waited until the count of 4 (our typical plan) and then we jumped into the mass of bodies on the little speedtug. We didn’t want to get control of the boat, just shake things up a bit. We knocked some heads around and tossed prolly 15 losers into the drink, leaving them with a surprised and really disjointed skeleton crew. After our visit, we dove back into the water. We figured we done enough damage to give us time to get under the surface and escape the knobs.

What we didn’t plan on was the pirate captain gettin’ real angry and deciding to ram our sub! Which is just what it looked like he was planning to do! He threw his boat into top speed and it went zooming towards our submarine like a rocket! If he managed to crash into our vessel, we were in a load of hurt! It woulda prolly got filled with water and sunk, since the portals were still open. We hoped that Venus was trying to get into his head to get him to turn around, but that just wasn’t happening… the pirate ship was gonna definitely sink our sub in a matter of seconds, and we were helplessly stuck swimming in the ocean!

But fortunately, Donny saved our collective mutant keisters once again. Moments before the boat bashed our sub, Don emerged with the shrink gun, and pulled the trigger, zapping the pirate ship down into a toy-sized craft. It smashed into our sub alright… but all it accomplished was the destruction of itself.

Leo and I swam back to the submarine, where various pirates were getting a few lumps from Mikey as they tried to board. Venus was still in a trance. Once we were all aboard, Don fired up the motors and took us about 30 yards from the incident, and then he shot the ray back on the debris, returning it to full size. The pirates started grabbing what they could to hold onto… I felt no sympathy for the bums. Mikey got worried about sharks, since some of the pirates were bleeding from the shuriken wounds. Just then Venus came out of her trance and informed us that coastal authorities were on their way. She had used her abilities to find the nearest police vessel and influenced the captain to come this way. She figured we could take care of the pirates on our own… smart girl. She did get a bit miffed that we hadn’t told her our actual destination, but she eased up when we explained we wanted it to be a pleasant surprise. Anywho, the sea cops were gonna be there in a few minutes, so we had to beat feet (flippers?). We got everyone stowed and closed up ship and headed back to the depths. Our plans were put on hold for a few hours, but we managed to get to Shanghai and spent two good weeks there sight-seeing with Venus. The return home went without incident, but we did manage to hook up with Ray Fillet, which was cool. We haven’t seen him in quite awhile, and it was cool for him to meet Venus. Our next trip will be hanging out with Ray.

So that’s the short version. Hope you’ve been well.


Master Splinter

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