1998-07 – Letters from Michaelangelo

Hey hi hey!

After a wicked long haul on the sudsy surf and cool currents, the TMNT are back in da house! Hallelujah! I sure hope you’ve been having a non-tumultuous Summer!

As you might have read in Donny and Leon’s letters, we decided to take Venus on a surprise “little” trip to visit her homestead in China. As it turned out, we ended up being shanghaied in Shanghai by a bunch of pirates! I never woulda thought that there’s still pirates… but there’s plenty of ’em out there, and they’re still just as blood-thirsty and nasty as they ever were!

The beginning of the trip went pretty well. It’s a LONG ways to China… I don’t know the exactumungo distances, but I think Don-san said that the trip would take many moons by boat… and we were in a boat (that sails beneath the waves instead of on ’em… which doesn’t quite agree with my surfin’ sensibilities, but makes for a much smoother ride). Fortunately, Donny’s techknow-how makes the TMNT sub a pretty fast swimmer, so we figured on 2 weeks to get there, 2 weeks on island (if ya can call a continent an island… hey… it’s all depending on your frame of reference! =) and 2 weeks home. We coulda done it alot quicker, but we wanted to make a leisurely vacation outta it.

As I was sayin’ before I so rudely interrupted myself, the first 2 weeks went by like a flash and were real fun. Donny shrunk us down with a Shrinker Ray so that we fit into the sub easier while carrying the extra bod of Venus. It was weird bein’ so little and it made using the ship’s contols and stuff seem a bit awkward at first, but we adapted in a hurry. Donny had the shrinking gun with him, as we figured we’d use it to get back to full size once we hit the China coastline.

We planned to stow the sub about 2 miles out and swim in. China’s government isn’t real keen on illegal aliens, so we knew we had to be careful. The evening before we were making ready for the long swim and roadtrip ahead of us, the pirates attacked! Just as we came up to surface for the night’s activities, we spotted an old beat-up lookin’ boat. We hoped that they hadn’t seen us… and were real surprised when they turned tail and headed right for us… at a speed that an old beat-up dingy coulda never managed!

Well, of course it turned out that the “humble” fishing boat that we saw was actually a disguised speedboat, about 30′ long and chocked full of some nasty cut-throat deck-swabbing nasties! These guys weren’t foolin’ around either, they had M-16s, not swords. Donny thought about diving to escape, but we didn’t have time to batten the hatches… we had to make a fight outta it!

Since this sorta thing is Raph’s favorite stuff to talk about, I’ll let him finish this part of the story! I’m gonna go put new trucks on my deck and hit the street. Take care, amigo! Good to be home, and totally awesome to talk with you once again!


Master Splinter

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